Bus to ??? story

I had a story written for a flash fiction competition in Writers Journal and was about to press send when I checked and found I had not read the brief properly and the taale was out of spec. I'd enjoyed writing it so much I couldn't let it just lie about, so here it is. I'll stick it on the web-pagewww.sullatoberdalton.com/pen-sullatober/short-stories
The pic is one of Pam Pepper's

BUS TO ???

I was standing at the bus stop, when a man about my own fifty odd years joined me. Instead of the usual dumb brick, why can’t Avril arrange a man like that as a dinner partner for me, I thought.

When we got on, there were only two seats, side by side.

‘I’m sorry, this is the only seat, do you mind?’ he asked.

I smiled, moved and he sat down.

‘You look so different when you smile,’ he said. ‘At the stop, you looked so fierce.’

‘Oh, it’s nothing to do with you,’ I said. ‘I have to go to one of these frightful dinner parties.’

He grinned and we made small talk until he asked what I did.

‘I’m a painter,’ I told him.

‘Why do you paint?’

‘I want to share what I see. I love to paint people. I did a grandmother with a little girl jumping in the waves. I’ve painted the little girl talking to her granny with her little brother standing there, wanting to say something but too shy to speak. Or maybe he just couldn’t get a word in edgeways,’ I added.

As the bus rumbled on, we became confidents. Well, I confided and he listened. In the end, I realised I was gabbing on.

‘What do you do?’ I asked.

‘I’m a journalist and I like talking to people. I find them as fascinating as your grannies.’

‘So that’s why you’re such a good listener,’ I said. ‘You looked as if you were really enjoying what I was saying.’

‘You were animated and make it so interesting just to listen.’

 When he said animated, I realised I’d been waving my hands as I talked, you know how I do, and been bumping against him, even putting my hand on his knee, and felt my face colouring. I looked out of the window and was relieved to see I was nearly at my stop. ‘It’s been lovely talking to you but I’m afraid the next stop is mine.’

‘You’re not going to the Mathews’ dinner party, are you?’

I laughed. ‘You’re not John, are you?’

‘And you must be Laura.’

‘This could be fun,’ I said, putting my hand on his leg again, as you do with someone you like. ‘Let me go in first and give them a talking to about getting me partners who have nothing to say and just grunt replies.’

He smiled. ‘Which is close enough to the truth to make them worry.’

‘Then you come in and tell them off for arranging partners who never stop talking.’

He grinned at me like a fellow conspirator. ‘You know, young lady, I don’t want to share you with a busload of people on the way back. Let me order a taxi for us.’

I raised my hand to my mouth in mock horror. ‘Then you’ll know where I live.’

‘If I’m going to send you a valentine card, I’ll need to know your address,’ he grinned.

Traveled out

I've written the flight from the Northern Cape area to Cape Town. It was easy ass I've flow with an organisation nicknamed Fright Services but the other idea of computer versus mind travel has run out of steam. I tried different points of view and an extra character, and even a different start, which can make me sit up and take notice. The story of Brexit doesn't become dramatic at the referendum, it starts when parliament turns down the deal and you ask, What now? Anyway, I couldn't get it to conclude  properly, even well enough to convince myself it it was literary. It has so much going for it I'll put it on the back burner and dabble with it now and then. I've done that with quite a few ideas and it's amazing what they can become. 

www.sullatoberdalton.com/pen-sullatober

How to manage a project

When Joshua was faced with attacking Jericho and wasn’t sure what to do, an angel appeared and he talked it over with the angel. He then made his plans, made sure everyone knew what to do and started his campaign. The incident lays down the natural order of dealing with a problem facing a group of even two. First talk, then make sure the plan is understood and agreed on, then get into action.

Compare that with what has happened with Brexit. We were suddenly faced with a plan no one understood and expected to get on with things. We have a plan but it’s not agreed and, when we should be in the action stage, the discussions start. The Bible is not just for Sunday School, it’s self help for everyday and for business and even politics.

www.sullatoberdalton.com/pen-sullatober

Travelling further

For the Writers Magazine short story competition with travel as the theme, I've written the story of the outback or bush pilot. The pilot is taking off from a place called Black Mountain in the Northern Cape Province of South Africa but is delayed by a brewing storm. The passengers on the ten seater include a pregnant woman who has lost two previous pregnancies and is going to hospital to make sure it doesn't happen again and a man with an important appointment. I don't know if 1700 words is enough or I'm trying to squash too much in, or I'm missing the real drama of the situation but it's not right and if I can't sort it, I won't submit it to the Writers Magazine competition.
The computer traveller Is comparing the worlds of the computer traveller and someone who travels in their mind. It's not an easy concept to get right (start, middle, end) but the first draft looks as if it could be quite a good tale. They stories are due to be submitted this week and I must get a move on but make haste slowly and make the story earn its keep.
I must admit, I am  not a fan of writing to a fixed idea but it is good practice to write to a brief. Writing a novel is just that. You have the basic idea and have to work that into a sequence of events that lead to a conclusion. Since the idea or story line is mine, however, I find getting the sequence right easier.

www.sullatoberdalton.com/pen-sullatober

Travel plans reviewed

All right, now we need to cut out the ones that might not fit the brief and those that have a long gestation period or just won’t work on hindsight.

1 Bus driver and passengers different thoughts as they travel, is a good idea but the travel element is thin. It could be in another setting - a café where two waiters see the couple in different ways because of the waiter’s backgrounds, or two writers tackling this assignment, which I like for another day as they argue over these ten options. For now, OUT

2. Bushveld pilot - Will do and only needs development but change the setting to Australia. IN

3. The clipper at Cape Horn could be in a storm. A pregnant woman. Two rivals of some kind. A miner coming back from the Yukon with gold and now wishing he’d never left to go prosp[ecting. This could be really dramatic and show how people pull together in a crisis. An indecisive captain and a strong first mate. ≤ 1700 words? Maybe not. Leave it out!

4. Missed travel connection is a romance for People’s Friend but it might answer the brief. Might! But does it depend on travel? I think it does. It might be a bit weak in plot, though, and need a lot more to give it tension over the word length. OUT

5. Aliens kidnapping Mrs Boniface. Not really travel OUT

6. Would be Astronauts - This could be set in many situations and travel is not an essential element. OUT

7. No away games. I’m intrigued with this. Why will he not go away? A sick parent? Travel sickness? I had a look at the old story but it’s not even the lower limit of 1500 words. OUT

8. Computer travel might be a bit thin but it is travel based and I’ll give it a bit more thought to get the two people at odds and maybe a triangle. A father that needs attention or maybe they are planning a getaway and become absorbed in the travel and that puts them at risk of capture or violence from the gang. IN

9. Lifts to an interview changing his out look – Too thin. The idea could be made to work but I’m not sure how, offhand.

10A. Mrs Boniface in Germany. I like this but need to really work in it. It belongs to an Oakhaven episode so for now – OUT

10. Two writers discuss 5 and 10A. I smile when I think of this one but it is not dependent on travel and really is for another day. OUT

So, we have 2 and 8, the outback pilot and the computer traveller to get on with.

3 would meet the assignment but is too long. 10A will be an Oakhaven episode and I like the idea of the aliens trying to Kidnap or duplicate a Mrs Boniface but finding she is too domineering and pushing off, leaving her two selves arguing.

I won’t dump any of these, they just go on the back burner.

www.sullatoberdalton.com/pen-sullatober

Booking a travel story

One of things I dislike about doing my thinking for a story in a bolg is that when I submit the taale to a competition like the travel tale for Writers Magazine, I can't stick it on here or even in the web page. I will put them on when they have been rejected or printed but in the meantime all I can do is lay out the structure.
For the Travel based tale I made my list:-

1. On a bus, the driver sees his passengers and the route but this is set against a passengers view. A young man and a young woman get on and we have two stories about where they are going and what they do. Maybe one is cabin crew and away a lot and between the driver and his passenger wee see two sides of their relationship. The girl wants to travel and the cabin crew chap is sick of it. Somewhere in there is a story.

2. I had a tale of a pilot in the South African bush taking a pregnant woman and a chap who had an important engagement and one or two others but had to divert to avoid a storm. It could be developed into something tense. Arguments between the pilot and the man and worry about the woman.

3. They are on a clipper round the Horn. Not easy, but it could work and it is travel based.

4. Someone has missed a connection. Either having overslept on the train, or talking to a prretty girl and more interested in asking her for coffee than getting to his interview. Is it about travel or a romantic encounter that could become a romance? I don't think it's really about travel.

5. Space travel. Two aliens come to take Mrs Boniface, the doyen of the local intellectual group in the village back to their planet to do a series of talks on earth's art. Either they get so fed up with her and change their minds, or they make a 3D print of her and Mrs B and her replica fall out and the aliens leave. I like this, but is it travel? Maybe for another day.

6. Two teens want to be astronauts but they need maths and science and one is really arty and wants to design a more elegant robot. Travel? Not really, it's about following your dream.

7.  Someone in the team doesn't want to play in away games. I have a story somewhere aboout someone being lucky he didn't get picked for the team. His replacement married the team mascot and look what life is look for him? Again travel?

8. He is travelling but on the computer. Tomorrow, I think I'll go to Florence. Add it to the pile of possibles.

9. He thumbs lifts to get to an interview and that affects what he will do. This one needs mo0re thought but it could be a good story.

10. Two writers are discussing this story and go through some of the ideas. They could do Mrs  Boniface as they throw ideas about. This has potential especially if it is about Mrs B travelling on the continent and dealing with Foreigners. It would come in anecdotes - she could find a body - but what would be the end?

www.sullatoberdalton.com/pen-sullatober